Are you tired
of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that
always sound good but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is
a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!
When you are sad,
...I will get you drunk and help you
plot revenge against the sorry bastard
who made you sad.
When
you are blue,
...I'll try to dislodge
whatever is choking you.
When
you smile,
...I'll know you're up to no good.
When
you are scared,
...I will rag you about it every chance
I get.
When you are worried,
...I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused,
...I will use little words to explain.
When
you are sick,
...stay away from me until you're well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall,
...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This
is my oath, I pledge 'til the end.
Why you may ask?
Because you're my friend!
Send
this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because
you can only think of two, and one of them is
not speaking to you right
now anyway.
Remember: A friend
will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
