Andy Rooney's Opinion
of Older Women
"As I grow in age, I value women who
are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to
ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she
doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.
older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past
the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
An older woman usually has had her
fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny,
Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle
of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even
her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. An older woman couldn't care less, because she knows her
friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They
An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright
and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you
stand with her.
Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every
stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with
some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.